Mr Twonkey… is Selling Out!

bandwagonpricksfuckedmyweekend

That’s right folks, we’re not even into the last week yet, and Mr. Twonkey is selling out at the 2015 Edinburgh Fringe! This year he is charging for entry, and the people at Edinburgh have been ponying up. In advance! And it has caught Team Playboys on the hop. We haven’t had our pants down like this since Big Dave unexpectedly won the UK election in May and we discovered – to our horror – that we didn’t even have any bunting in the house!

We bought plane tickets to Scotland yesterday, and then… and only then… went onto the Edinburgh Fringe website to buy Twonkey tickets. Boy, did we feel like fucking assholes! Sold The Fuck Out! We will be wandering around Edinburgh this Friday night like dickless eunuchs. Having just blown one hundred and thirty nicker on a goddamn flight, the least we could be allowed to do is spunk another six on a ticket! But no. Them bitches are gone! Even Harrison Ford, the butt of Twonkey jokes going back years, including digs this year at Cowboys and Aliens, is laughing his ass off at us:

The reviews have still to appear, as far as we know. So how did this happen? It can only be one thing. How did Madonna Ciccione, a young Michigan lass, get dick action every night in New York City after her arrival in 1978? It’s not like if you were sitting next to her at a bar back then you could pull out a smartphone and Google ‘Madonna Ciccione. Juanita Special Bean Dip’ and know you were in for a good night. No. Let me tell you how she was getting the bone: Word of mouth. That’s right. And what worked for Madonna in 1978 is seemingly working for Mr. Twonkey in 2015. People are hearing about the show. And hearing good things. Then parting with the kinda cash that would get you Pornhub advert-free for a whole month.

We’d like to say two things to these new fans who have spoiled our Friday night:- 1. We hope you didn’t pull a hamstring jumping on that bandwagon so fast, and 2. Enjoy the show, you bastards!

Team Playboys will live to fight another day, and will go see Twonkey’s Stinking Bishop again next week. In the meantime, we can only congratulate His Twonkeyness on the new business model, which appears to be a success. We’re off to cry in our beer.

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